Posted by
Jackpine Savage on Wednesday, January 14, 2009 2:33:12 PM
"People don't seem to like fish. They're slithery and slimy, and they have eyes on either side of their pointy little heads—which is weird, to say the least. Plus, the small ones nibble at your feet when you're swimming, and the big ones—well, the big ones will bite your face off if Jaws is anything to go by.
Of course, if you look at it another way, what all this really means is that fish need to fire their PR guy—stat. Whoever was in charge of creating a positive image for fish needs to go right back to working on the Britney Spears account and leave our scaly little friends alone. You've done enough damage, buddy. We've got it from here. And we're going to start by retiring the old name for good. When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it's time for a serious image makeover. And who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?"
The above may look like satire, but sadly, it's the Actual text from the PETA website.
From the wonderful people who passed out comic books to elementary students entitled "Your Dad Kills Animals!" comes their latest lunacy.
PETA (People Euthanizing Tossed Animals (Look it up)) Now wants to change the name of FISH, yes Fish! to, (wait for it) "SEA-KITTENS"!! (No S&%$!)
I guess it's not enough to throw red paint on celebrities who wear clothing made from truly renewable fibers (fur), Or frighten children by telling them that since their daddy eats the flesh of dead cows they should hide their puppies from that monster. (Seriously), or even the PETA freak that called Sarah Palin a Cannibal because she eats Moose. (If she'll eat a moose, she'll eat a Child!!! (Yes Seriously)), now they want us to stop eating Fish.
Now, if we take this totally illogical leap to it's logical conclusion, we can see just how ridiculous the idea is.
It will affect National security. How many enemies will be afraid to hear the USS Sword-kitten is sailing their way?
It will affect Local politics. How many people will really want to live in Kitten-Kill New York?
Pepperidge Farms will go out of business, because no one will want to eat bags of Gold-Kittens.
Gortons would have to start selling Batter dipped Kitten-sticks.
Heck, it will even affect Astrology, Because Pisces would be the sign of the Kitten.
Not to mention that it would be ridiculous calling Abe Vigoda "Sea-Kitten".
Can you imagine going into McDonalds, and Ordering a Filet-o-Kitten sandwich?
How about Long John Silvers Kitten-and Chips?
I can't wait till our local restaurant starts advertising it's Friday Kitten-Fry.
What's next? Are they going to rename Lobsters "Claw-Puppies"?
Maybe change the name of Oysters and clams to "Ocean Hamsters"?
Do you need any more proof that liberalism is a mental disorder?
(Like you did anyway)
Actually, I have a feeling the whole thing will backfire on PETA.
I'm kinda beginning to wonder how the family cat would taste with melted butter and tartar sauce. (here kitty kitty kitty!)
As always, comments are welcome and encouraged.
And if you can come up with more examples I'd love to hear 'em. :o)