Posted by
Jackpine Savage on Saturday, January 03, 2009 3:35:00 PM
The new year is a time for Resolutions.
Folks resolve to quit smoking, lose weight, and so on, but it's not just individuals that make resolutions.
I've collected the resolutions made by some famous folks, and other entities around the world.
George W. Bush
This year, soon to be former President Bush will resolve to catch up on that Brush Clearing that he's let slide for the past 8 years. He also has resolved to not say "I told you so", even though he'll be sorely tempted to do so almost daily, after Obama takes office.
Rod Blagojevich
This year the guy with the funkiest hair in politics has resolved to be an even bigger jerk than in previous years. With his record, this won't be easy, but something tells me he has the determination to go from low-life, all the way to true Bottom-feeder.
The United Auto Workers
Will resolve to keep grinding their cash-cows into hamburger, while they continue to waste 26 million dollars a year on their executive golf course in northeast MI.
Once they have bankrupted the big 3, they'll resolve to set their sights on the foreign automakers.
General Motors, Ford, Chrysler
The "rusty 3", flush with taxpayer billions, will resolve to keep coddling the UAW
until they face bankruptcy again. At which point they will fly their private jets back to DC with tin cups in hand to beg for more. Congress of course will be happy to fork it over after the obligatory dressing down on TV. (Anyone else think it's Ironic that Congress has the nerve to attack corporations for "Fiscal Irresponsibility"?)
US Congress
Following their dismal showing over the past 2 years, congress has resolved to become the first US Congress in history to achieve Negative approval numbers.
(I think they can do it)
Nancy Pelosi/Harry Reid
The little grey man from Nevada resolves to take his record of failures to all new depths in his quest to become the worst failure in US senate history. Pelosi, not to be outdone resolves to be a bigger failure than Reid, and have that stick surgically removed from her butt.
Barack Obama
Resolves to be the first President in history to be canonized as a saint by walking across the potomac river.
Oprah Winfrey
The queen of TV talk resolves to finally lure the true love of her life away from his wife and marry Barack Obama. As soon as she can dump that damn Steadman guy.
Al Gore
The Goreacle resolves to keep fleecing the gullible of the world until it becomes painfully obvious that the earth really isn't warming up. He then resolves to change tactics and claim that greenhouse gasses are also causing the new ice-age. Liberals the world over rejoice in their new quixotic quest.
And finally,
Wobbie the wonder wodent/Hal Drunkahue/Sophie.
Our favorite troll resolves to add another 100 new careers to his already impressive fantasy resume, and continue to be a royal P.I.T.A. to TH posters for another year.
Meanwhile the REMF warrior resolves to reach his ultimate goal of drinking himself into a permanent coma.
Sophie resolves to finally undergo the surgery required to finally become a Real woman.
I could keep going all day, but I think I'll stop here, I don't want this post to become a novel.
If you can come up with more, feel free to post 'em!
Happy New Year gang, and good luck with your own resolutions. :o)